It's funny (in an amazing way) how God uses anything and everything He can to get a message across, isn't it?
Today I am featured on Alice's Blessed Life, sharing a brief post about how my relationship with my husband has overcome the obstacles we've faced.
(You've seen Alice here on Mother Stressor before, and she is absolutely amazing!! Be sure to follow her blog, it is so inspirational. For reals!)
Although it was published today, I actually wrote the post a month or so ago. As we all know, life is a roller coaster! Today, my husband and I are going through an obstacle that we've never faced together before. The company that he worked for closed operations last month and our next chapter has not started quite like we had expected or planned. Uncertainty of the future and big life changes are tough. While having a partner by your side through them can make them a little more bearable, figuring out how to travel through the valley together can also be tricky.
I am the type of person, as I'm learning more and more, who sees a struggle as a challenge to conquer. I see a problem, and I expect to solve it. Sure, I'll cry if something hurts, but after a couple tears, it's time to get up and do something about it, and then move forward. I'm not exactly the most sensitive person, and I don't have much patience for pity or sulking, because not only is my mind so overloaded, but I also tend to believe whole-heartedly that everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end. Cheesy, right? But that's my outlook. (Thank you, Jesus.)
So, when my husband is feeling down or anxious about something, my first instinct is to start fixing whatever we can. Let's go for a walk and get some sunshine and clear our heads so we can think of a solution. Let's go for a run because exercise releases endorphins, and endorphins make you happy, and happy people don't sulk. Let's make a phone call or look up something online that will help get us to a solution. Let's start fixing whatever we can fix, dang it!
But sometimes, I'm learning, I just need to chill. Sometimes I need to stop and be in the moment and give my husband what he needs in THIS moment. No, a back rub might not pay the bills... But it will show him that he is loved, worthy, and not alone. Maybe he doesn't need me to try to be Batman and save the day, maybe he just needs me to be present and loving. Being able to put my feelings aside, see things through his point of view and selflessly give what he needs, is another part of putting my prideful nature aside, as I discussed in my post today. I admit that I haven't been doing such a good job of this recently.
A year ago, I went to lunch with my high school ROP teacher-turned dear friend and told her about my vision of BookWarm. She loved the idea, but put her fork down and asked, "How many classes are you taking for school right now?"
"And you're working, right?"
"Yes, but only part time."
"Okay, and how many kids do you have, and how many activities do they have going on? And, this new blog you started?" (I could see where this was going...)
She looked me right in the eyes and said, "Do you think that maybe you should just enjoy what you have going on right now and not over load yourself?"
My first thought? Well, maybe. But then that thought just made me more determined to push forward.
I'm stubborn like that.
I'm learning that I don't do well with not doing anything. That's actually not true. I don't do well with not doing everything. I don't let my mind just sit still. If I'm laying on the couch watching TV, I'm also reading or surfing the Internet or folding laundry or studying school work. If I'm cooking dinner, I'm also packing lunches for the next day. If I'm reading a book to my kids, I'm simultaneously thinking about housework that I'll do next, a blog post I'll write, or what I need from the grocery store. Sometimes "mom brain" means fuzzy and forgetful, sometimes it means completely overloaded. Which leads to fuzzy and forgetful, I assume.
Side note: I have recently been researching how to start up an Etsy shop and start selling crafty stuff, because I apparently need something else on my plate. I'm definitely starting to think that my dear friend had a good point on our lunch date.
My family has a lot going on right now. My life has always had a lot going on, to be honest, and I think that I've constantly wanted to be doing something "more" to just keep up with the chaos. If that even makes sense?
Reading my post on Alice's Blessed Life today brought me back down to earth.
It's time for me to slow down and feel life's peaks and valleys. It's time for me to be fully present in everything I do, which ultimately means that I cannot do everything. It's time to be more calculated about what I'm putting my time and effort into, so that the important things in life don't suffer from my lack of time, energy or patience. My husband needs my love, patience and support right now, and that's what I'll focus on giving.
This blog has been so much fun for me over the last year, and I truly value the friendships I've made, knowledge I've learned, things I've been able to try and experience, and conversations I've been able to have. But to be honest, my heart isn't in it like it was in the beginning. I joined a bunch of blogging groups (full of amazing and supportive people!!) which has been great, but has also caused my "blogger mindset" to start focusing on numbers and stuff, instead of just writing for fun. With all of that being said, I plan on putting my main focus in other places for now.
BookWarm just received its 501c3 status (YAY!!), school is consuming, and my hubby and I are putting effort into our entrepreneurial dreams. My kids are growing like weeds and I want to cherish it all. I want to be present. This is my prayer.
Thank you for your love and support of Mother Stressor over the last year!! I'll see you again soon :)
Brain-cation starts NOW.